Please comment if you have the answer to any of these questions. They are keeping me awake at night...
If circumcision is no big deal how come every time I forget to sleep with my foreskin restoration device attached I am anxious and irritable for a good part of the next day?
If circumcision is performed in the child's health interests how come every time I spend significant amount of time reading circumcision related blogs I come across someone who, as a result of his very "tight" circumcision experiences horrific pain every time he gets erect, much less tries to reach ejaculation.
If circumcision is such an important part of the Jewish and Islamic religion could someone please explain to me why it's so important to God that everyone has an exposed, callous glans? I'm also wondering how he sits through watching all those circumcisions performed in his name. I mean he is omnipresent after all so that means he gets to see and hear every one of those screaming babies AND since he is also omniscient that means he knows exactly how much pain and sadness and betrayal each of those tiny little babies feels. Say what you will about us atheists. It certainly requires less ethical gymnastics.
How come I never see any studies done by intact doctors from Europe "proving" how great circumcision is? Is it within the realm of possibility that the foreskin-less docs in the US and Israel are hell-bent on proving the evils of the foreskin just so they personally can feel better about not having one?
If foreskins are as bad as US doctors make them out to be how on Earth did the human race survive before some self-mutilating weirdo first decided to experiment with the idea of hacking off part of his own penis? (wonder what that guys parents did to HIM huh?)
Can anybody tell me where my foreskin is? Really. I'd like it back. I mean, it is mine after all. Isn't there some kind of inalienable right to body parts? I mean, it's not like it was some cancer-ridden lesion. It was a perfectly good foreskin. Wait, why are you giving me this skin cream. I don't want this, I just want... Oh. Yuck.
If circumcision is such a great idea how come no one is circumcising their dogs? I mean if you're willing to drop $250 at Petco on the latest food and toys for him, why not prevent penile cancer while you're at it?
Who really signs up for cutting penises? I mean seriously. It's kind of like being the defense attorney for a serial child rapist. Yes, someone has to do it but why would you want to be that person? Even for the people who have convinced themselves it is ethically ok to mutilate baby penises you would think they would be a little put off by the screaming and crying and seizuring and bleeding. You would think that would put them off enough to consider a career change.
And the number one burning question I have:
If circumcision is no big deal, how come even though my foreskin is only like maybe 15-20% restored my sex life is DRAMATICALLY enhanced. I mean it was great before but HOLY SHIT.