Burning questions I need someone to answer

Please comment if you have the answer to any of these questions. They are keeping me awake at night...

If circumcision is no big deal how come every time I forget to sleep with my foreskin restoration device attached I am anxious and irritable for a good part of the next day?

If circumcision is performed in the child's health interests how come every time I spend significant amount of time reading circumcision related blogs I come across someone who, as a result of his very "tight" circumcision experiences horrific pain every time he gets erect, much less tries to reach ejaculation.

If circumcision is such an important part of the Jewish and Islamic religion could someone please explain to me why it's so important to God that everyone has an exposed, callous glans? I'm also wondering how he sits through watching all those circumcisions performed in his name. I mean he is omnipresent after all so that means he gets to see and hear every one of those screaming babies AND since he is also omniscient that means he knows exactly how much pain and sadness and betrayal each of those tiny little babies feels. Say what you will about us atheists. It certainly requires less ethical gymnastics.

How come I never see any studies done by intact doctors from Europe "proving" how great circumcision is? Is it within the realm of possibility that the foreskin-less docs in the US and Israel are hell-bent on proving the evils of the foreskin just so they personally can feel better about not having one?

If foreskins are as bad as US doctors make them out to be how on Earth did the human race survive before some self-mutilating weirdo first decided to experiment with the idea of hacking off part of his own penis? (wonder what that guys parents did to HIM huh?)

Can anybody tell me where my foreskin is? Really. I'd like it back. I mean, it is mine after all. Isn't there some kind of inalienable right to body parts? I mean, it's not like it was some cancer-ridden lesion. It was a perfectly good foreskin. Wait, why are you giving me this skin cream. I don't want this, I just want... Oh. Yuck.

If circumcision is such a great idea how come no one is circumcising their dogs? I mean if you're willing to drop $250 at Petco on the latest food and toys for him, why not prevent penile cancer while you're at it?

Who really signs up for cutting penises? I mean seriously. It's kind of like being the defense attorney for a serial child rapist. Yes, someone has to do it but why would you want to be that person? Even for the people who have convinced themselves it is ethically ok to mutilate baby penises you would think they would be a little put off by the screaming and crying and seizuring and bleeding. You would think that would put them off enough to consider a career change.

And the number one burning question I have:
If circumcision is no big deal, how come even though my foreskin is only like maybe 15-20% restored my sex life is DRAMATICALLY enhanced. I mean it was great before but HOLY SHIT.

Circumcision Song

There is nothing funny about circumcision but sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from cryin'. Know what I mean? With that in mind check out the following song lyrics and if you like them check out the performance at

Circumcision Song


Circumcision Song
By Jeff Sanger
March 2008

Use chords G…. em…….. am…….. D…..
Repeat throughout

(chorus)
Circumcision is bad
For little babies
And their
Families
Because you need the tip of your penis
For sex
And other fun
Activities

Don’t you listen
To your pediatrician
He stands to make a lot of
Money you see

Oh whoa oh circumcision
Was imported to the US
Sometime around
1883

Doctors of the time
Were trying to figure out
How to stop masturbation, ‘cause it causes
Blindness no doubt

They cut off the erogenous zone
So he’d leave it alone
They said he felt he felt no pain
Though he cried and moaned

(Chorus)
Circumcision is bad
For little babies
And their
Families
Because you need the tip of your penis
For sex
And other fun
Activities

Now some people
Are trying so say
It prevents UTIs
And maybe AIDS

Well I really think
they’re full of shit
Besides what’s medical opinion
got to do with it?

It’s my boy’s penis
so let him decide
If he’s that worried ‘bout some
Damn UTI.

One more brief point
You just can’t deride
How come everyone I know with AIDS is
Circumcised?!?!?!?

You want him to look like Dad?
Come on now please!
What if junior’s daddy was a
Double amputee?

Someday soon
The US will get a clue
Followed closely by that
Rotten AAP too

And then all those rotten
Docs will turn and say
Well, we never advocated circumcision
Anyway!

Oh whoa tell your friends
Tell your mom and dad
Tell everyone you know circumcision is……
BAD!!!!!!!!