Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Circumcision: The Hidden Hurt

Circumcision hurts.  I know it sounds crazy but when you take a knife to a baby's penis it DOES hurt the little guy.  In more ways than one.  Modern medicine has finally acknowledged that yes babies can experience pain.  Um yeah.  Thanks for clearing that up for us.  The problem with circumcision though (one of the many) is that some of the worst pain, the most lasting effects of it, are hidden from view and experienced on a deep internal level that can affect the boy and then the man's very identity. 

It's been a while since I've spoken from personal experience on a post and I think it's necessary here.  Rather than telling you how I think psychological trauma affects survivors of circumcision I'd rather tell you what my personal experience was.  Unfortunately I think it is all too familiar of a story.

I did not even know what circumcision meant until early adolescence.  My parents had purchased this puberty picture book called "What's happening to me" book and foisted it upon me.  For those who aren't familiar this came out in the 70s I think and was, for its time, a progressive approach to sharing information about puberty with kids.  It was the follow up to the "Where Did I Come From" book.  Circumcision received a one page treatment in "What's Happening To Me."  There was an illustration of two guys in a shower, one cut one uncut.  I don't remember exactly what the text said but it was something along the lines of "some guys are circumcised, some aren't; either is fine."  Interesting that there wasn't any effort made to justify the act of circumcision, but then again they didn't really explain what circumcision really did either; the authors almost made it sound like you were born that way.  Needless to say I had some questions about this.

My mother reported that I had been circumcised because it was "cleaner."  She noted that Jews also practiced circumcision.  For some reason the latter comforted me.  I thought in my gentile and rather ethnocentric young mind, "Well, Jews seem pretty smart and they wear those cool hats so circumcision can't be too bad of a thing."  Years passed and I thought no more about it.  It wasn't until we learned my wife was pregnant with a son that the subject reared its ugly head once more.  When she asked me about circumcision I replied that I didn't think that was something I could do to my son, but at the time I wasn't even thinking about how I felt about it having been done to me personally.  That didn't come until after he was born and left intact.  But boy let me tell you, once you really start thinking about the fact that part of your body is missing because it was removed without your consent it becomes kind of hard to let it go.

Do I feel traumatized?  Hmmm.  I don't have nightmares like many trauma survivors do but I have read that many small children who are circed experience night terrors and I was told I had those as a small child.  Does my penis still work ok?  Yes, I never thought it worked poorly to begin with, but since I've started restoring my foreskin I have had MUCH more sensation and lubrication during sex.  But here's the rub: before I started restoring I had no idea what I was missing.  And this is why circumcision is such an insidious kind of violence.  Survivors of circumcision don't know there's anything wrong with them because they don't remember a time when they had a foreskin.  Consequently they have no reference point for what sex ought to feel like.  They think it's normal to not be able to feel much besides the climax.  They think it's normal to have to use lubricant to masturbate.  They think it's normal to have more feeling in the palm of their hand or on their fingertips than their penis.  I know because I used to think these same things.  It is a scary road to tread to learn that so many of the things you thought you understood about your own body were lies.  I think the vast majority of guys who are so dead set on having their sons circumcised know deep down subconsciously that if they don't circumcise their child they going to have to set out on a very difficult road for themselves.  I don't condone their cowardice but I think it's important to try to understand it. 

What's maddening to me though is when people try to justify circumcision by saying that everyone they know who is circumcised is "fine."  Well certainly these guys are able to hold jobs and pay their bills and if you ask them how they feel about being circumcised they'll either say "fine" or "what the hell does that mean?"  But how much do we know about their sex life?  Perhaps they have painful erections, perhaps they can't even have sex, or maybe they're sexually preoccupied and unfaithful, constantly in search of a feeling/meaning in sex that has been denied to them.  Or maybe they just have to use viagra like millions of other Americans.  News flash: this isn't fine.  This isn't ok.  Circumcision hurts every man it is inflicted upon.  The hurt is hidden, driven deep into the subconscious so the fragile newborn can protect himself from the trauma of someone cutting off part of his body.  Some men never come to a full realization of what was done to them, but this fact does not mean the hurt isn't there.  And this trauma goes on to affect their life SOMEHOW, whether they're immediately conscious of it or not.  I think as more and more survivors speak out about circumcision the more accepted it will become that circumcision doesn't just hurt newborns, it hurts grown men too.

17 comments:

  1. Some adult men who underwent RIC suffer from continual or chronic PE and ED. Some had too much skin cut off, making erections painful. Some adult men experience a slow decline in sensation that leaves them unable to enjoy sexual activity after age 40 or 50. Feel free to add to this bill of indictment. We have no idea how frequent any of this is, because American medical and sexual research have yet to carry out an honest study of these adult complications of RIC. This lacuna is blatantly unethical.

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    1. Yes, isn't it convenient how there are so many people who want to fund studies about the supposed benefits of circumcision but no one wants to fund research about the long-term effects of amputating a perfectly healthy and important part of the body? I'm still holding out hope that someone will carry out such a study someday, mostly likely an intact researcher in a predominantly intact country. US medicine doesn't want to even think about the many reasons circumcision is a bad idea: they've done WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much of it to go back now.

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  2. I must say that circumcision is wrong any way one looks at it. It is not aesthetically pleasing - it is just against nature. What the medical community calls Routine Infant Circumcision should be illegal. It should not be routine. It should be a last resort to a serious and life-threatening disorder.

    American men (circumcised) and women have had sexual problems for years. No woman likes the battering ram or being rushed or not getting what she deserves.

    Ever see how American men sit with their legs spread open? When you go to other countries, such as within Europe (low circ rates,) the men don't do that.

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    1. Speaking as a former battering ram man I'd like to note that the worst part about this is that millions of circumcised men AND those women who have not been with an intact partner don't know any different. They think this is what sex is. Unfortunately many of them even go on to promote circumcision crying, "See, it hasn't impacted me/my partner negatively at all."

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    2. I am intact. I know about the "battering ram" from porn videos, and hate it, hate it. It is date rape, it is the 19 year old frat boy's idea of passion. Super Yuck!! If I were a woman and encountered the battering ram 3-4 times while in college, I would become a radical feminist!

      Yet I am sure that the ramers are victims of the American obsession with eradicating foreskin. The moving foreskin cushions the brutality of sex, a benefit that a restored foreskin completely supplies. The foreskin and frenulum are also very sensitive in their own right. This means that slower and gentler can still be thrilling. A woman has a human right to slow gradual sex that makes her feel respected and loved. Circumcision, to the extent that it discourages proper sexual technique, is evil.

      What I write here is surely a reason why many young American women are fierce and brave intactivists. They've been rammed, and despise it.

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    4. Indeed one of the most awful things about circumcision is that it irrevocably alters the sexual experience for the circumcised man AND for all of his future partners. Circumcision has scarred the face of sexuality in America. Anyone who doubts this should examine the rate at which US men consume Viagra compared to men in predominantly intact countries.
      No one had the right to alter my future sexual experiences without my permission and no parent has the right to make such a decision for their child regardless of their religious or cultural beliefs. Circumcision is sexual violence.

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  3. Such a thoughtful rational entirely humane plea for sanity to prevail. Oh to live in a world that is free from ignorance, selfishness and hypocrisy. My compliments to you Jeff. It is uplifting to know that there are decent folk out there who understand the difference between right and wrong.

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    1. Thanks Patrick. Someday sanity will prevail. Sometimes when I get discouraged I think about this great Schopenhauer quote: All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
      My hope is that the truth about circumcision makes it to the 3rd stage in my lifetime.

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  4. Jeff, how long have you been restoring for, and how tight did you keep to your regimen?

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    1. I started restoring in late 2007, shortly after my son was born. I think I'm pretty consistent but I don't wear my tugger 24/7 and I usually take weekend days off entirely. I've continued to make progress in regrowth but not as fast as I'd like. However I have experienced greatly enhanced sensitivity and lubrication during sex. I would highly recommend restoration to any circumcised man. While the results vary from person to person, the process itself can be very healing even if you don't see a lot of regrowth right away.

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  5. I was unfortunate to be circed at 15 and I can tell you all the horror stories you share about later circumcision is true.

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    1. Thank you for sharing this and for speaking out as an intactivist on your blog. I'm going to add it to my info list!

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  6. I must agree. Anyone that has had to have an amputation has to under go some sort of physical or psychological therapy to deal with the loss. Circumcision is amputation, there is trauma and it shouldn't be done unless deemed medically necessary.

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    1. Absolutely: circumcision always causes trauma; even if we don't consciously remember it as adults that trauma still affects how the newborn's brain develops and how the adult experiences life, stress, etc today. Medical necessity has become a slippery term unfortunately. It seems like there are a lot of circumcised doctors out there who think circumcision is medically necessary for all kinds of bizarre reasons. Physicians who recommend circumcision should not be trusted.

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  7. American men are such wimps to let their sons be subjected to this absurd surgery. If it were women tied down & cut, the Feminists would be howling all over the world. The male genitals are a cheap commodity. There is no argument too absurd for the circumcisers. They insult the appearance of the intact penis, claim that circumcision heals everything from body warts to HIV, and draw an illogical distinction between female & male genitals. It's a barbaric practice, wrapped in pious b#!!$^!t.

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    1. Circumcision is indeed a barbaric practice whether performed on male or female genetalia. Interesting you mention feminists; while there is still much work to be done worldwide to ensure women are given the equal respect and pay they deserve I think American intactivists can learn a great deal from their efforts. One parallel that quickly comes to mind: You have to speak out (and loudly) about the things that are important to you to get what you want. Be prepared for the public at large to mock you for the first several years, but with persistence you will eventually find some measure of success.

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