There's WAAAAAAY more than ten but we've got to start somewhere.
10) Circumcision alters the way a boy's penis looks without him having any say in the matter whatsoever. Think about that. If circumcised your child's sex organ will suddenly look vastly different than at birth and will look different for the rest of his life. He will never know what his penis used to look like. It's bizarre when you think about all the parents who circumcised their children that get angry when junior wants to dye his hair blue, pierce his face, or tattoo his elbow. Um, maybe you ought to let him have that since you altered his genitalia to meet your standards.
9) Circumcision kills children every year. Yep. Let that sink in for a minute. This is a "surgery" -- and I put that in quotes because there's nothing "surgical" about hacking off healthy tissue-- that is not endorsed by ANY medical organization in the world that can cause death or disfigurement to your child. And you're actually considering this? Really? You make his older sister hold your hand at every intersection, you vaccinate the hell out of the kid, and you have a nannycam but you're going to risk the death of her baby brother by signing off on a "surgery" no one endorses. (And I'm the weirdo?)
8) Circumcision hurts. Docs used to claim that babies that young couldn't feel pain. Some mohels STILL claim this. Convenient isn't it? Research has proven that babies experience pain and anyone with the most basic psychological training knows that pain=trauma and trauma affects the developing brain. This is why physical and sexual abuse is bad for babies. So circumcision causes pain and thus trauma for little babies. Oh and by the way even if Junior gets some local anaesthesia, he's still going to hurt every time you change his diaper and the psychological hurt will persist for years. (see previous posts)
7) Circumcision ruins sex. Let's just get it out there. You're fucking with your kid's sex organ. What the HELL where you thinking?!?!?!? Circumcision is about and has ALWAYS been about taking away sexual pleasure. This shit has been going on for thousands of years; it's just over the last hundred years or so that some really creepy doctors are trying to find bizarre reasons to justify it. Circumcision removes healthy tissue that keeps the glans supple and sensitive. Without foreskin the glans becomes so callous that the sensation during sex is dramatically reduced. My foreskin is not even 50% restored and I have experienced a ridiculous amount of restored sensation. To all you circumcised guys who say you have no problems and like sex I say, well that was me too but now it's about 100 times better. That peak your interest? Anyway, don't put your kid in this position. His future sexual pleasure is not your goddamn business.
6) Circumcision is sexual violence. Sorry but it is. You are cutting genitalia, people. Violence + genitalia= sexual violence. Think about how angry you get when you think of some freak child molester touching a little child's genitalia. These doctors and mohels are actually cutting part of it off!!!!!!!
5) Circumcision hurts families. Circumcision makes it harder for babies to breastfeed successfully and hurts the bond between mother/father and son. Even animals understand the parents' most important role is to protect their young. Circumcision often haunts mothers and fathers for years after the event either because of complications or the nagging voice of instinct telling them it was something they never should have done in the first place.
4) Circumcision isn't hip anymore. Yep. It never was in Europe and is confirmed to be on the wane in the US. If you circumcise your child he is going to be in the minority. Gym class is likely going to lead to him asking you some questions you may find it hard to answer. Your best friend who just cut her child without his consent might make it sound like everyone else is doing it (the idea is certainly comforting to her) but it just isn't true. Thousands of parents are waking up and protecting their sons from this perverse act of violence. Listen to your heart and I bet you will do the same.
3) Circumcision is WEIRD. I mean what kind of crackpot is sitting around his tent in ancient times and thinks, "Hmmmm, I think I'm going to cut part of my penis off." And people followed this guy?!?!?!? Do you really want to hitch your wagon to this kind of thinking? They used to stone people to death back then too, you know... Please remember you CAN choose to keep your son intact and still be just as fantastic of a Jew or Muslim. (Check out Beyond the Bris) Mormons are hanging in there without polygamy; you can practice your religion without circumcision.
2) Circumcision is unethical. It is amputation without the person's consent. It is always unnecessary and could easily be deferred until your child is able to make his own decisions about how he wants his body to look. Doctors who perform circumcisions are violating the most important principle of their discipline: First do no harm.... If circumcision isn't harm, I don't know what is.
1) Circumcision makes your child less than what he could have been. You are taking something away that he will spend the rest of his life trying to get back. For those who don't realize what's missing they chase the void like a shadow in late afternoon. Those who do have a better chance of filling that void but if often becomes a lifelong endeavour and is always one they wish they didn't have to endure. After all, they never agreed to it. They just realized one fateful day what they were missing.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
What if mom & dad knew better but didn't do better?
One of my favorite phrases is from Maya Angelou: "When you know better, you do better." This is, I think, particularly applicable to the problem of routine infant circumcision in the United States. So many parents sign off on their child being circumcised because they don't know better. Many have not even discussed circumcision before the doctor asks about it, much less before they were pregnant. They trust the doctor to know best. They've got many decisions to make, everything from what color junior's room is going to be to what kind of diapers they are going to use to whether they intend to tote him around in a plastic bucket or a cloth sling. So when they get hit with the circumcision question it's tempting to defer to the doctor, especially if Dad is circumcised. It makes him feel better about his own cut status when Doc prattles on about the supposed health benefits. Mom may be blindsided and all too often, among women I've surveyed anyway, defers to Dad's decision. Apparently all Dads are supposed to be experts on medical ethics just because they have a penis too.
Anyway, one of the reasons I speak out about circumcision is to prevent this kind of uninformed decision-making. Parents need to know what circumcision really does to a baby both physically and psychologically. They also need to be aware of the risks circumcision poses to future sexual happiness, bonding with their baby, and even the baby's life. The dramatically reduced circumcision rate nationwide is directly related to parents starting to make informed decisions about circumcision. Lord knows it's not because doctors are out there informing people. It's because new parents are investigating things for themselves, talking with friends, and perhaps even listening to activists like me once in a while.
This is all well and good but this post is about the people who DO get the information to make an informed decision and still choose to circumcise their child. People who claim not to have much of an opinion on circumcision often will say, "well, it's the parents' choice." To which the intactivist responds, "Actually it's the baby's body, it's HIS choice. That's the whole problem with circumcision!" This makes it difficult to accept a friend or family member's decision to circumcise.
Example: I rode the same bus to work for several years and got to know a number of people who also rode the same bus. (Special shout out to any ex-44U rider who someday reads this LOL.) One was a gal who eventually became pregnant. One day she happened to get on at my stop instead of a later one and I had a chance to talk to her about circumcision. She was very receptive to the information and appeared somewhat interested in talking about it. She let me know that her husband wanted the child to be circumcised and she wasn't so sure. I tried to give her as much information and encouragement as I could without being overbearing. Time went on and I stopped seeing her on the bus, probably because she was on maternity leave. A few years later my wife ran into her in a Mom oriented book club and told me that based on a conversation that took place at the book club she was pretty sure this girl had ended up circumcising the baby. I felt sad and frustrated and wondered what I could or should have done differently. I felt bad for the baby primarily but also for her to some degree because I knew she didn't really want to do it and had let her husband talk her into it. Like MANY dads who sign off on circumcision he was probably cut himself and not real interested in delving into why someone cut part of his dick off; better just to make junior look the same way so he doesn't have to think about it.
Now here's the point of this post that is starting to ramble a bit: I never had to see this girl again so I haven't thought about the whole thing much until now. But what happens when the mom and dad that know better and still circumcise are related to you? I can't tell you how many posts I've read from people that are going through some pretty serious family conflict because they are trying to talk a brother or sister or cousin out of circumcising their child and the family member just digs their heels in. The intactivist feels extra motivation to go above and beyond to try to protect this child; it's a future family member for God's sake. The family member in question, unfortunately, may perceive the intactivist as overbearing. They think to themselves, "Well, it's my choice. I'm the parent. Why does x think he/she can talk me into something that's just their own opinion?" I have the utmost respect for those that continue to try to protect the child in question in these difficult situations. But what happens when they circumcise the baby and then you have to see them at family gatherings? It can be awkward.
I talked with my younger cousin about circumcision as soon as I found out his girlfriend was pregnant. I did this via email since I live in PA and he lives in AZ. This didn't go very well. He outright ignored the first email and then told me very unequivocally that they intended to circumcise their child. Again, I felt frustrated and wondered what I should have done differently. Fast forward a year later. His wife posts some misinformation about foreskins on Facebook and gets flamed by me, my wife, and all the intactivists we are friends with. (Apparently his wife has had one year of nursing school and is suddenly an expert on everything.) This electronic exchange got pretty heated, but I didn't feel the least bit bad about it. I thought, "goddamn it, I tried to give you information about this. I'm not going to pull any punches for your dumb ass. You and your wife need to know what you did to your kid."
When we saw them at my sister's wedding several months later I wasn't sure what to expect. It turned out to be kind of ironic because our kids played with their kids almost the entire time we were there leaving the adults plenty of time to talk. Of course the topic of circumcision was never broached. We all knew where each other stood so we talked about other parenting topics: interests the kids had, activities, etc. In the end, the anger that I feared I would have for them was just not there. More than anything I felt bad not just for their son, but also for them. I've made my share of mistakes as a parent but this is one that they will never be able to correct. Even if they get a clue 30 years from now when circumcision in the US is almost if not entirely eradicated, no matter how their position on this changes their son will have to pay for their mistake his entire life. And whether or not he confronts them about it years from now, as I warned them he might, they'll always know that they had the opportunity and the encouragement to protect their child from circumcision and they opted not to. Perhaps that's why they seemed sad and not angry when I saw them at the wedding. Perhaps seeing my face reminded them of a decision they're trying not to think about, a subject that they wish would just go away. Well, I'm not going away.
Anyway, one of the reasons I speak out about circumcision is to prevent this kind of uninformed decision-making. Parents need to know what circumcision really does to a baby both physically and psychologically. They also need to be aware of the risks circumcision poses to future sexual happiness, bonding with their baby, and even the baby's life. The dramatically reduced circumcision rate nationwide is directly related to parents starting to make informed decisions about circumcision. Lord knows it's not because doctors are out there informing people. It's because new parents are investigating things for themselves, talking with friends, and perhaps even listening to activists like me once in a while.
This is all well and good but this post is about the people who DO get the information to make an informed decision and still choose to circumcise their child. People who claim not to have much of an opinion on circumcision often will say, "well, it's the parents' choice." To which the intactivist responds, "Actually it's the baby's body, it's HIS choice. That's the whole problem with circumcision!" This makes it difficult to accept a friend or family member's decision to circumcise.
Example: I rode the same bus to work for several years and got to know a number of people who also rode the same bus. (Special shout out to any ex-44U rider who someday reads this LOL.) One was a gal who eventually became pregnant. One day she happened to get on at my stop instead of a later one and I had a chance to talk to her about circumcision. She was very receptive to the information and appeared somewhat interested in talking about it. She let me know that her husband wanted the child to be circumcised and she wasn't so sure. I tried to give her as much information and encouragement as I could without being overbearing. Time went on and I stopped seeing her on the bus, probably because she was on maternity leave. A few years later my wife ran into her in a Mom oriented book club and told me that based on a conversation that took place at the book club she was pretty sure this girl had ended up circumcising the baby. I felt sad and frustrated and wondered what I could or should have done differently. I felt bad for the baby primarily but also for her to some degree because I knew she didn't really want to do it and had let her husband talk her into it. Like MANY dads who sign off on circumcision he was probably cut himself and not real interested in delving into why someone cut part of his dick off; better just to make junior look the same way so he doesn't have to think about it.
Now here's the point of this post that is starting to ramble a bit: I never had to see this girl again so I haven't thought about the whole thing much until now. But what happens when the mom and dad that know better and still circumcise are related to you? I can't tell you how many posts I've read from people that are going through some pretty serious family conflict because they are trying to talk a brother or sister or cousin out of circumcising their child and the family member just digs their heels in. The intactivist feels extra motivation to go above and beyond to try to protect this child; it's a future family member for God's sake. The family member in question, unfortunately, may perceive the intactivist as overbearing. They think to themselves, "Well, it's my choice. I'm the parent. Why does x think he/she can talk me into something that's just their own opinion?" I have the utmost respect for those that continue to try to protect the child in question in these difficult situations. But what happens when they circumcise the baby and then you have to see them at family gatherings? It can be awkward.
I talked with my younger cousin about circumcision as soon as I found out his girlfriend was pregnant. I did this via email since I live in PA and he lives in AZ. This didn't go very well. He outright ignored the first email and then told me very unequivocally that they intended to circumcise their child. Again, I felt frustrated and wondered what I should have done differently. Fast forward a year later. His wife posts some misinformation about foreskins on Facebook and gets flamed by me, my wife, and all the intactivists we are friends with. (Apparently his wife has had one year of nursing school and is suddenly an expert on everything.) This electronic exchange got pretty heated, but I didn't feel the least bit bad about it. I thought, "goddamn it, I tried to give you information about this. I'm not going to pull any punches for your dumb ass. You and your wife need to know what you did to your kid."
When we saw them at my sister's wedding several months later I wasn't sure what to expect. It turned out to be kind of ironic because our kids played with their kids almost the entire time we were there leaving the adults plenty of time to talk. Of course the topic of circumcision was never broached. We all knew where each other stood so we talked about other parenting topics: interests the kids had, activities, etc. In the end, the anger that I feared I would have for them was just not there. More than anything I felt bad not just for their son, but also for them. I've made my share of mistakes as a parent but this is one that they will never be able to correct. Even if they get a clue 30 years from now when circumcision in the US is almost if not entirely eradicated, no matter how their position on this changes their son will have to pay for their mistake his entire life. And whether or not he confronts them about it years from now, as I warned them he might, they'll always know that they had the opportunity and the encouragement to protect their child from circumcision and they opted not to. Perhaps that's why they seemed sad and not angry when I saw them at the wedding. Perhaps seeing my face reminded them of a decision they're trying not to think about, a subject that they wish would just go away. Well, I'm not going away.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Stopping circumcision one coworker at a time
Working to help end circumcision in my lifetime has become an important part of my identity both as a writer and a human being. This blog is my small contribution to this movement. In addition to my blog I try to talk with people in person about circumcision when I have the chance. I admit that I tend to prey on pregnant people. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not running across the street accosting pregnant women who are waiting for the bus or otherwise trying to make their way to work, but if fate brings me into close proximity with a pregnant woman I often ask her what she thinks about circumcision. This is not so much because I really think I can change her mind; most adults don't like to have their mind's changed by anyone. Rather, I do it for two reasons, the first being that I just want to get her thinking about it and create some uncomfortable associations in her mind that go along with circumcision so that she can't fool herself into thinking it's "just a little snip" like all of her damn friends who have already done it are probably telling her.
The other reason I do it is more selfish: every time I miss an opportunity for advocacy I beat myself up. I think about how given my personal experience with recovering from circumcision I really have some obligation to speak out to try to prevent it whenever I can. So then I start feeling like I, in some minute way, failed this little baby and anybody who knows me will tell you I tend to obsess over things so it's just a whole lot easier to say something to this poor pregnant lady and risk offending her. Even if I make her uncomfortable I think that's ok on some level. Think about those creepy anti-smoking ads where they show the post-tracheotomy patients or the old men hooked up to hospital machines. These ads are designed to make you uncomfortable, to make it less enjoyable to buy cigarettes and light up. If I end up making her a little uncomfortable it's not entirely a bad thing.
That said it's a helluva lot safer to do this kind of work with people you don't know that you won't see again than it is to do with people you work with. I work for a pretty large company which we won't name here because they are big enough to try to play Big Brother a bit in terms of social media. I tend to come across pregnant women in my department pretty regularly. Most of them I know on some level and I always think to myself, "_______ is a really sweet gal. I know in her heart she wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her baby but this is Western Pennsylvania for God's sake and the chances are very good that his dad will a) want to circumcise him, b) want to give him a crew cut, and c) want to teach him to hunt." The latter two I can live with but not the first one. But how the heck was I supposed to approach this?
Most decent sized US companies have some kind of anti-harassment policy just like the one at my company. At first I was really paranoid of running afoul of something like this. What if I make her angry and she claims it's a form of harassment? This kept me from saying anything to anyone for quite a while. Eventually though someone I worked with frequently and knew fairly well got pregnant. The more I thought about the reason behind my silence the sillier it sounded. I realized I was making excuses to get myself out of it because this is, almost always, a difficult conversation to have with people. I realized that unless I'm screaming in her face that people who facilitate their children being circumcised are going to burn in hell she's probably not going to complain. The worst she will do is think I'm a crackpot and avoid me in the hall. So I said something.
I asked permission if I could talk to her about it and she gave it to me. I told her that I think everyone makes different parenting decisions and everyone makes the decision that they think is best and I make it a point not to judge other people's decisions but circumcision is THE ONE thing that has such a profound effect on families that I feel obligated to talk to people about it. She listened and we discussed. Like several other women I've spoken to about it she said she already had some reservations about the issue but she knew her husband wanted to circumcise the child. We talked about his reasons for this and ways she could talk to him about it. I encouraged her to have him call me if she liked and also gave her some websites for further information.
Fast-forward: she chose not to return to work from her maternity leave. I told her I respected and admired her decision to stay home with her new baby. I saw her about a week later when she came to turn some work items in. She had the baby with her and I could just tell by the look on her face she had allowed him to be circumcised. She couldn't look me in the eye and she seemed uncomfortable and eager to get the brief meeting over with even though both myself and a coworker were busy goo goo-ing with the new baby. So our conversation didn't make a difference. But wait... What if she allowed the circumcision, regretted it, and now if someone she knows asks her about it she actually tells, wait for it, the TRUTH about how the violence of circumcision affected her bond with her baby and her family? Ok maybe I'm reaching a bit there but when you get people talking about this you never know what might happen.
Now I'm in a similar situation again. Someone else is pregnant. I don't know her as well as the person I supervised but, again, she seems kind and thoughtful enough that I feel obligated to offer information on the side of keeping her baby intact, at least creating the idea that saying no to circumcision is an option. I was feeling conflicted about how to approach this and whether it was appropriate for me to say anything, but after writing this I realize that it is my duty to make what small contributions I can to the effort to keep all babies whole. And every pregnant woman is, like it or not, offended or not, an opportunity to further this advocacy as respectfully as possible.
(After all if some idiot at Starbucks years ago can get away with chiding my then pregnant wife for drinking what he thought was a caffeinated coffee, is it so out of bounds for me to ask and have a non-confrontational, respectful discussion with a pregnant woman about circumcision?)
The other reason I do it is more selfish: every time I miss an opportunity for advocacy I beat myself up. I think about how given my personal experience with recovering from circumcision I really have some obligation to speak out to try to prevent it whenever I can. So then I start feeling like I, in some minute way, failed this little baby and anybody who knows me will tell you I tend to obsess over things so it's just a whole lot easier to say something to this poor pregnant lady and risk offending her. Even if I make her uncomfortable I think that's ok on some level. Think about those creepy anti-smoking ads where they show the post-tracheotomy patients or the old men hooked up to hospital machines. These ads are designed to make you uncomfortable, to make it less enjoyable to buy cigarettes and light up. If I end up making her a little uncomfortable it's not entirely a bad thing.
That said it's a helluva lot safer to do this kind of work with people you don't know that you won't see again than it is to do with people you work with. I work for a pretty large company which we won't name here because they are big enough to try to play Big Brother a bit in terms of social media. I tend to come across pregnant women in my department pretty regularly. Most of them I know on some level and I always think to myself, "_______ is a really sweet gal. I know in her heart she wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her baby but this is Western Pennsylvania for God's sake and the chances are very good that his dad will a) want to circumcise him, b) want to give him a crew cut, and c) want to teach him to hunt." The latter two I can live with but not the first one. But how the heck was I supposed to approach this?
Most decent sized US companies have some kind of anti-harassment policy just like the one at my company. At first I was really paranoid of running afoul of something like this. What if I make her angry and she claims it's a form of harassment? This kept me from saying anything to anyone for quite a while. Eventually though someone I worked with frequently and knew fairly well got pregnant. The more I thought about the reason behind my silence the sillier it sounded. I realized I was making excuses to get myself out of it because this is, almost always, a difficult conversation to have with people. I realized that unless I'm screaming in her face that people who facilitate their children being circumcised are going to burn in hell she's probably not going to complain. The worst she will do is think I'm a crackpot and avoid me in the hall. So I said something.
I asked permission if I could talk to her about it and she gave it to me. I told her that I think everyone makes different parenting decisions and everyone makes the decision that they think is best and I make it a point not to judge other people's decisions but circumcision is THE ONE thing that has such a profound effect on families that I feel obligated to talk to people about it. She listened and we discussed. Like several other women I've spoken to about it she said she already had some reservations about the issue but she knew her husband wanted to circumcise the child. We talked about his reasons for this and ways she could talk to him about it. I encouraged her to have him call me if she liked and also gave her some websites for further information.
Fast-forward: she chose not to return to work from her maternity leave. I told her I respected and admired her decision to stay home with her new baby. I saw her about a week later when she came to turn some work items in. She had the baby with her and I could just tell by the look on her face she had allowed him to be circumcised. She couldn't look me in the eye and she seemed uncomfortable and eager to get the brief meeting over with even though both myself and a coworker were busy goo goo-ing with the new baby. So our conversation didn't make a difference. But wait... What if she allowed the circumcision, regretted it, and now if someone she knows asks her about it she actually tells, wait for it, the TRUTH about how the violence of circumcision affected her bond with her baby and her family? Ok maybe I'm reaching a bit there but when you get people talking about this you never know what might happen.
Now I'm in a similar situation again. Someone else is pregnant. I don't know her as well as the person I supervised but, again, she seems kind and thoughtful enough that I feel obligated to offer information on the side of keeping her baby intact, at least creating the idea that saying no to circumcision is an option. I was feeling conflicted about how to approach this and whether it was appropriate for me to say anything, but after writing this I realize that it is my duty to make what small contributions I can to the effort to keep all babies whole. And every pregnant woman is, like it or not, offended or not, an opportunity to further this advocacy as respectfully as possible.
(After all if some idiot at Starbucks years ago can get away with chiding my then pregnant wife for drinking what he thought was a caffeinated coffee, is it so out of bounds for me to ask and have a non-confrontational, respectful discussion with a pregnant woman about circumcision?)
Friday, May 25, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Circumcision & Motherly Instinct
Mothers. The lifeblood of the world. The warm center of a cold senseless universe. Those who bear life. They are amazing people and their role in circumcision is often a strange one. What better time to meditate on this than the day after Mother's Day?
My kids have a book that is titled "All Mommies Love Their Babies." It always strikes me how true this title is. There are things in life that become obstacles to that love, that slow the passage of the stream like rocks, dirt, silt, moss, but they seldom stop it. A mother's love can be befuddled by the artifices of modern life but typically it perseveres. It must. Where would the species be without it? With love comes responsibility. Every parent who has held their newborn child and gazed into the pure light in their eyes knows this. And one of the most pressing responsibilities is to protect them. We worry about everything from getting them in the best school to protecting them from child molesters to making sure they don't run into traffic on a busy street. And, if you'll pardon my language, that is one of things that is so fucked up about circumcision: The mothers who sign off on it often think that by doing so they are protecting their children.
All of modern medicine's scantly supported justifications for circumcisions become frightening bugaboos these mothers feel compelled to prevent. I once read a post from a woman who worked for a urologist. Her reason for circumcising her son was that she had seen a case of penile cancer and thought she had to do everything to protect her son from acquiring such a disease. A noble thought, certainly, but a rash one and poorly researched. Part of protecting your children is about odds. It's kind of like Vegas: which is the safer intersection to use to cross the busy street? Is the benefit of Junior's medication worth the risk/side effects? Odds of acquiring penile cancer are pretty slim yet with circumcision the odds of the child's future sexual pleasure as an adult being reduced is 100%, the odds of violating his right to choose what happens to his body is 100%, and I don't know what the odds are that he will be angry at her for her decision but they are probably greater than the odds he would have gotten penile cancer! So in trying to prevent harm to her child she has instead caused it. Stories like this are repeated every day. Why? Because all of us, mothers included, have lost touch with our instincts.
As humans we are hardwired to protect our children. Without these instincts the species would not have continued to exist. These animal instincts are powerful. Instinct is what drives the mother to pull her child out of the street before she even sees the car. She just knows one is coming. Instinct is what helps her and the child breastfeed. Instinct is how mothers can take their baby's temperature without a thermoter. :) But unfortunately we have been taught to distrust our instinct, to drown out that little voice inside that often has the very best ideas. And without our instinct we are like babes in the woods. Nothing makes sense if we can't trust ourselves. Adrift, we turn to the lighthouse of education and knowledge: doctors. Their books, their degrees will save us. We just need to do what we are told. But even their messages seem contradictory at times, or diluted, or just completely absent. That leaves us in fear. And decisions made out of fear are not typically good ones.
I'm not sure what's happening to the motherly instinct in the US. Is the declining circumcision rate proof that instinct is growing stronger again or is that a measure of activism and the desire so many of us now have to educate ourselves, especially in the matter of our children? Certainly instinct survives, and in many families thrives. But every time a newborn baby is handed over to someone with a knife to be cut, whether the mother believes this will save his soul, or prevent AIDS, or improve his health in some bizarre fashion, the outcome is the same: her bond with him is damaged, his body is violated, and what began as an impulse to protect becomes an act of harm.
As I raise three children, now ages 3, 5, and 6 I can honestly say that learning to listen to my own instincts has been more valuable than any book about parenting I have ever read. Certainly not all of my decisions have been good ones but I'm going to keep playing the odds. I'm going to bet on the animal instinct that's helped the human race survive for 200,000 years NOT fear. I'm going to listen to the little voice that says, "It just doesn't seem like a good idea to let that fucking weirdo with the knife cut off part of your newborn child's body." All the research I've done and continue to do about circumcision just proves that voice right over and over again.
My kids have a book that is titled "All Mommies Love Their Babies." It always strikes me how true this title is. There are things in life that become obstacles to that love, that slow the passage of the stream like rocks, dirt, silt, moss, but they seldom stop it. A mother's love can be befuddled by the artifices of modern life but typically it perseveres. It must. Where would the species be without it? With love comes responsibility. Every parent who has held their newborn child and gazed into the pure light in their eyes knows this. And one of the most pressing responsibilities is to protect them. We worry about everything from getting them in the best school to protecting them from child molesters to making sure they don't run into traffic on a busy street. And, if you'll pardon my language, that is one of things that is so fucked up about circumcision: The mothers who sign off on it often think that by doing so they are protecting their children.
All of modern medicine's scantly supported justifications for circumcisions become frightening bugaboos these mothers feel compelled to prevent. I once read a post from a woman who worked for a urologist. Her reason for circumcising her son was that she had seen a case of penile cancer and thought she had to do everything to protect her son from acquiring such a disease. A noble thought, certainly, but a rash one and poorly researched. Part of protecting your children is about odds. It's kind of like Vegas: which is the safer intersection to use to cross the busy street? Is the benefit of Junior's medication worth the risk/side effects? Odds of acquiring penile cancer are pretty slim yet with circumcision the odds of the child's future sexual pleasure as an adult being reduced is 100%, the odds of violating his right to choose what happens to his body is 100%, and I don't know what the odds are that he will be angry at her for her decision but they are probably greater than the odds he would have gotten penile cancer! So in trying to prevent harm to her child she has instead caused it. Stories like this are repeated every day. Why? Because all of us, mothers included, have lost touch with our instincts.
As humans we are hardwired to protect our children. Without these instincts the species would not have continued to exist. These animal instincts are powerful. Instinct is what drives the mother to pull her child out of the street before she even sees the car. She just knows one is coming. Instinct is what helps her and the child breastfeed. Instinct is how mothers can take their baby's temperature without a thermoter. :) But unfortunately we have been taught to distrust our instinct, to drown out that little voice inside that often has the very best ideas. And without our instinct we are like babes in the woods. Nothing makes sense if we can't trust ourselves. Adrift, we turn to the lighthouse of education and knowledge: doctors. Their books, their degrees will save us. We just need to do what we are told. But even their messages seem contradictory at times, or diluted, or just completely absent. That leaves us in fear. And decisions made out of fear are not typically good ones.
I'm not sure what's happening to the motherly instinct in the US. Is the declining circumcision rate proof that instinct is growing stronger again or is that a measure of activism and the desire so many of us now have to educate ourselves, especially in the matter of our children? Certainly instinct survives, and in many families thrives. But every time a newborn baby is handed over to someone with a knife to be cut, whether the mother believes this will save his soul, or prevent AIDS, or improve his health in some bizarre fashion, the outcome is the same: her bond with him is damaged, his body is violated, and what began as an impulse to protect becomes an act of harm.
As I raise three children, now ages 3, 5, and 6 I can honestly say that learning to listen to my own instincts has been more valuable than any book about parenting I have ever read. Certainly not all of my decisions have been good ones but I'm going to keep playing the odds. I'm going to bet on the animal instinct that's helped the human race survive for 200,000 years NOT fear. I'm going to listen to the little voice that says, "It just doesn't seem like a good idea to let that fucking weirdo with the knife cut off part of your newborn child's body." All the research I've done and continue to do about circumcision just proves that voice right over and over again.
Monday, November 21, 2011
News flash
Dear American modern medicine,
Circumcision does NOT prevent HIV or sexually transmitted infection!!
(told you so.) Now you're going to have to find a different excuse to cut babies you sickos.
www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/10/us-navy-finds-that-circumcision-does-not-prevent-hiv-or-stis.html
Sincerely,
all the people who don't believe in cutting babies
Circumcision does NOT prevent HIV or sexually transmitted infection!!
(told you so.) Now you're going to have to find a different excuse to cut babies you sickos.
www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/10/us-navy-finds-that-circumcision-does-not-prevent-hiv-or-stis.html
Sincerely,
all the people who don't believe in cutting babies
Monday, September 5, 2011
Top Ten Reasons Why Foreskin is Great
Ok full disclosure I do NOT have a foreskin. Mine was hacked off without my consent by some asshole I'd like to have five minutes in a room alone with. However I have gleaned the following reasons from research, discussion, and partial restoration of my own circumcised penis. We'll do this Letterman style and count down ten to one:
10. Having foreskin somehow allows/encourages your penis to emit lubricant during intercourse. Feel free to comment if you know exactly how this works and can explain why I NEVER experienced this during however many years of sex as a circumcised man, yet within the first year of restoring my foreskin I produce the stuff like crazy. I don't think I need to go on here about the benefits of lubricant. If I do then honestly this is probably not the blog for you. Might I refer you to Celibate Singles Are Us?
Oh ok I'll go on about it. Creating your own lubricant means:
more slippery, sensuous sex for you and your partner
no messy, expensive astroglide or KY
Even single guys can enjoy not having to use lubricant when, you know, they have that urge. (My buddy in France thinks it's pretty bizarre that most circumcised US males require some kind of lubricant to masturbate.)
9. Foreskin protects your glans and keeps it sensitive and responsive meaning better sex. I defy anyone to find an intact guy who gets circumcised and says the sex is better after. Without your foreskin your glans has about as much sensation as your elbow.
8. Foreskins don't look all bloody and gory and purple when you change baby's diaper. They look surprisingly, well, normal. Through the first 10 or so diaper changes of my son back in the day I kept going, "Oh yeah, that's what I'm supposed to look like."
7. Foreskins don't require all kinds of weird special care like a newly circumcised penis does. You just leave them alone. (Even if your brainless circumcised pediatrician tells you otherwise.)
6. Foreskins can help with potty training (maybe.) Only saying this because when my son was potty learning he would pinch his foreskin shut as he ran upstairs to the potty. It appeared to help him with "holding it."
5. Speaking of potty learning... I don't have any stats on this but I'm guessing intact kids are easier to potty learn than circumcised ones. Reason being this: To survive the trauma of circumcision baby boys have got to subconsciously insulate themselves from thinking about what's happened to their penis. Then all of a sudden mom and dad expect them to pee in the potty. Baby is thinking, "Damn, I spent the first 12 months trying not to even think about that thing when it was all purple and bloody (see above) and now you want me to do what!?!?! Can we just leave it in my frikkin' diaper? I'm worried you're going to cut some more off."
4. Foreskins are ALL the rage right now. EVERYONE that's anyone has one: Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe, your dog, just to name a few.
3. If foreskin cells are so valuable for skin cream, just imagine what what they can do for your penis if they stay where they're intended.
2. Lots of women like foreskin and the more sensual sex that accompanies it. I'm sure there's plenty of men out there that like it too. The point it is you don't amputate part of your child's body in order to help him better resemble your own culturally-derived idea of what's sexually attractive. I mean what's next? Nose and boob jobs for 12 year-olds?
1. Honestly talking about why foreskin is great is akin to trying to explain why eyelids are great. Um, you're born with it thus just like the rest of your body IT'S GREAT and it's there for a reason.
10. Having foreskin somehow allows/encourages your penis to emit lubricant during intercourse. Feel free to comment if you know exactly how this works and can explain why I NEVER experienced this during however many years of sex as a circumcised man, yet within the first year of restoring my foreskin I produce the stuff like crazy. I don't think I need to go on here about the benefits of lubricant. If I do then honestly this is probably not the blog for you. Might I refer you to Celibate Singles Are Us?
Oh ok I'll go on about it. Creating your own lubricant means:
more slippery, sensuous sex for you and your partner
no messy, expensive astroglide or KY
Even single guys can enjoy not having to use lubricant when, you know, they have that urge. (My buddy in France thinks it's pretty bizarre that most circumcised US males require some kind of lubricant to masturbate.)
9. Foreskin protects your glans and keeps it sensitive and responsive meaning better sex. I defy anyone to find an intact guy who gets circumcised and says the sex is better after. Without your foreskin your glans has about as much sensation as your elbow.
8. Foreskins don't look all bloody and gory and purple when you change baby's diaper. They look surprisingly, well, normal. Through the first 10 or so diaper changes of my son back in the day I kept going, "Oh yeah, that's what I'm supposed to look like."
7. Foreskins don't require all kinds of weird special care like a newly circumcised penis does. You just leave them alone. (Even if your brainless circumcised pediatrician tells you otherwise.)
6. Foreskins can help with potty training (maybe.) Only saying this because when my son was potty learning he would pinch his foreskin shut as he ran upstairs to the potty. It appeared to help him with "holding it."
5. Speaking of potty learning... I don't have any stats on this but I'm guessing intact kids are easier to potty learn than circumcised ones. Reason being this: To survive the trauma of circumcision baby boys have got to subconsciously insulate themselves from thinking about what's happened to their penis. Then all of a sudden mom and dad expect them to pee in the potty. Baby is thinking, "Damn, I spent the first 12 months trying not to even think about that thing when it was all purple and bloody (see above) and now you want me to do what!?!?! Can we just leave it in my frikkin' diaper? I'm worried you're going to cut some more off."
4. Foreskins are ALL the rage right now. EVERYONE that's anyone has one: Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe, your dog, just to name a few.
3. If foreskin cells are so valuable for skin cream, just imagine what what they can do for your penis if they stay where they're intended.
2. Lots of women like foreskin and the more sensual sex that accompanies it. I'm sure there's plenty of men out there that like it too. The point it is you don't amputate part of your child's body in order to help him better resemble your own culturally-derived idea of what's sexually attractive. I mean what's next? Nose and boob jobs for 12 year-olds?
1. Honestly talking about why foreskin is great is akin to trying to explain why eyelids are great. Um, you're born with it thus just like the rest of your body IT'S GREAT and it's there for a reason.
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